24个证明妈妈们其实都活在平行宇宙的「有苦说不出可怜新手妈妈故事」

1. 「早上出门前,我把儿子抱到车上的婴儿安全座椅的时候,发现我忘记穿裤了…」   2. 「有一次跟老公视讯的时候,聊到儿子,但我累了突然忘记儿子的名字,只能急忙地比手画脚一番…」 廣告1   3. 「有一次半夜我要起床去上厕所的时候,发现下半身

April 21, 2016
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1. 「早上出门前,我把儿子抱到车上的婴儿安全座椅的时候,发现我忘记穿裤了…」

"I walked out to my car and strapped my son into his car seat before I realized that I didn't have pants on."

 

2. 「有一次跟老公视讯的时候,聊到儿子,但我累了突然忘记儿子的名字,只能急忙地比手画脚一番…」

"I was so tired I forgot our son's name. I gestured to the monitor and asked my husband, 'How's what's-his-face doing?'"
廣告1

 

3. 「有一次半夜我要起床去上厕所的时候,发现下半身裤子脱掉了,还湿湿的,结果原来是我在沙发上睡着,然后梦到我在马桶上,所以不小心尿了出来….」

"I just added that to the list of bodily fluids I had to clean up that night."

 

4. 「有一次,我不知道哪根筋不对,一直按汽车钥匙上的按键 想要开家里的大门。」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done
廣告2

 

5. 「有一次半梦半醒间,我以为宝宝要掉下床了,所以我赶紧抓住他的跨下,结果眼睛张开时,发现那是我老公…」

"I grabbed my husband's crotch — HARD — as he was rolling over because I thought he was the baby about to roll out of bed."
廣告3

 

6. 「有一次睡到一半的时候,我好像听到宝宝在哭,所以我就晃晃手臂,想要安抚怀里的宝宝,结果感觉好像哪里怪怪的…才发现宝宝不在我怀里啊,然后我家的猫看着我,一副我在发疯的表情….」

"I passed out on the couch, then..."

 

7. 「有一次宝宝半夜哭醒,我还以为是有人在按门铃,赶快跑去应门。」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done
 
上帝,帮帮我!

 

8. 「有一次我折完衣服后,才发现那些是我要拿去洗衣机洗的脏衣服…」

"I folded an entire basket of dirty laundry."

 

9. 「在我当妈妈的第一个月,我常常传讯息给我老公,问他现在在哪,传完才发现,他就躺在我隔壁…」

"During my first month as a new mom I texted my husband (who was in bed next to me) to ask him where he was."
 
我需要午休啊

 

10. 「有一次,我拿着奶瓶想要喂我家的狗狗喝奶,但他不要,我就很生气地直接塞进他嘴里,5秒钟后,我才发现,他不是我儿子…」

"I filled a sippy with milk and handed it to the dog. When he didn't take it I got annoyed and said, 'Well? Here you go!' It took me a full five seconds to realize he wasn't the 2-year-old."

 

11. 「有一天,我和家人在客厅看电视,突然我意识到,没有人在抱着宝宝,我尖叫喊:『宝宝呢?』然后我老公转过来看着我说:『亲爱的,妳在喂她喝奶呀…』」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

12. 「我出门以后,才发现我哺乳专用的胸罩没有穿好,还垂在肚子上…」

"I left the house with my nursing bra on both sides flopped down."
 
无时无刻都累挂…

 

13. 「有一次,我把上衣胸罩一撩,就在客厅里喂奶,突然有人按门铃,我就马上跑去应门,只见送包裹的人一脸惊讶,然后一直不敢看我…但我是一直到几个小时后才发现这件事…」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

14. 「某天半夜,我开着车要去药局买东西,在路上看到红灯后我停了下来,等著等著,心想这红灯也太久了吧,后来我才发现那不是红灯,是禁停标志….我那时对着一个按我喇叭的车主骂三字经….」

"After a long night I had to run to the drug store. I sat at a red light for what seemed like forever — I even swore at a car that honked at me — until I realized it wasn't a red light. It was a stop sign."

 

15. 「某天半夜,我帮女儿换尿布,但换完之后,我才发现,我把她身上那件刚穿没多久的新尿布拿下来,把旧的脏尿布换上去…」

"In the middle of the night I tried to change my daughter, but ended up putting a clean diaper on over the dirty one."
廣告4

 

16. 「有天早上,我开车赶上班的时候,才发现…糗大了…」

"I had to go a whole day at work like this:"

 

17. 「当我生下老二的时候,老大还不到两岁。有一次晚上我经过厨房的时候,听到了打呼声,走进去一看,才发现我的女儿坐在儿通餐椅、睡在义大利面上…我忘了把她抱去睡觉。」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

18. 「某天,我要睡觉的时候,勉强撑起身体,拆下耳环、把妆卸掉…结果隔天醒来才发现,我把用过的卸妆棉放在珠宝盒里,然后把耳环当垃圾丢掉了…」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

19. 「有天,我喝了2口咖啡,才发现今天的咖啡怎么跟平常不一样?…原来我忘记加咖啡粉,根本只是在喝热水而已…」

"I made coffee without any coffee grinds. It wasn't until the second sip that I realized I was just drinking hot water."
廣告

 

20. 「有一次我洗完澡后,试着要穿内衣,但我一直穿不上去,让我烦到哭了出来,后来才发现那根本不是内衣,是尿布….」

"I once tried to put on a pull-up instead of underwear after showering. Then I cried when I couldn't get it on."

 

21. 「有一次,我走向我老公,很顺手地把奶嘴塞进他嘴里…」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

22. 「刚生完小孩从医院回到家的那几天,有一次我实在是太饿了,决定来做个松饼,结果我发现我把洗碗精错当糖浆了….」

"I'd been up two days after coming home from the hospital and realized that I hadn't eaten, so I made frozen waffles — and poured dish soap on them instead of syrup."

 

23. 「有一次,家里请人来维修网路,结果他要离开的时候,我上前给他一个大大的拥抱,就像我对其他朋友一样,他看我的表情好像是在看疯子一样。」

"I tried to hug the guy who came to set up our internet as he was leaving. I was so tired and used to hugging visitors when they left. He looked at me like I was nuts."

 

24. 「有一次去超市买完东西后,我推著购物车来到停车场,我一手把宝宝抱到汽车安全座椅上,接着就开着车回家了…完全忘记购物车里的东西…」

"I finished a full grocery shopping trip, then fastened the baby into her car seat and drove away — leaving all of the groceries in the cart in the parking lot."
廣告

每个妈妈真的都有过人之处啊!

贊助影片
參考資料:Buzzfeed

(往下還有更多精彩文章!)

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